Family:
One of the greatest things human beings have ever found I would say is FAMILY. When we say family, it is all about relationship. Isn’t?
Let’s look at what our professor says.
“The fact is, there is no foundation, no secure ground, upon which people may stand today if it isn’t the family. It’s become quite clear to me as I’ve been sick. If you don’t have the support and love and caring and concern that you get from a family, you don’t have much at all. Love is so supremely important. As our great poet Auden said, ‘Love each other or perish.’”
Every word that Morrie has expressed is true. If it isn’t the family, we will be become void. I recently came across some research papers about the trend of youngsters preferring live-in relationships (not sure how many % of people really support this). It also said that they don’t want to have a commitment and do not believe in the institution called marriage for variety of reasons.
Osho says “Family is very possessive. The family is against man, it is against the society. The boundary of the family is your imprisonment.” This is expressed when he is explaining the Tantra experience. (Ref: www.osho.com)
But I have a different view. I draw these points from my 3 decade personal life experience. To me family comprises of three important relationships as follows,
- Parents
- Wife
- Children
Let’s see them one after the other.
Parents: I had been through a tough time over the past few years to establish myself both professionally and personally. I moved from small, calm city called Trichy (located near Chennai in Tamil Nadu State) to vibrant city, Mumbai to establish my career. Never before that had I even thought that I would be separated from my parents and would stay alone to establish my life. I was not able to settle down in the new city for first few months. No one was available with me to share my feeling instantly. During that difficult period it was my father, who supported me in every step. Encouraging me every time when I feel low and motivating me when I can’t perform at my best and the list just counts on. I used to talk to him only during the weekends over phone from the public booth. I didn’t have a cell phone at that time. Even today, he lives in the same city, about 1,500 miles away from this city. But I still feel connected. I know he is there for me and he knows I am there for him and that is called feeling connected.
Next comes your life time FRIEND, of course, I am talking about wife. In fact, on the lighter side, it is a very difficult process to get married. Those who are married can understand this. Now, let’s get back to our topic. Having a wife as a friend is a wonderful thing and I cannot overstate it. Now, people are talking about, even though it is in minority, live in relationship. I am not commenting on this now. At the same time, neither do I recommend this trend.
“Love each other or perish,” Morrie says and it’s so true. Without love, we are birds with broken wings.
Since Morrie was in death bed, counting his days he expressed as follows:
“Say I was divorced, or living alone, or had no children. This disease—what I’m going through—would be so much harder. I’m not sure I could do it. Sure, people would come and visit, friends, associates, but it’s not the same as having someone who will not leave. It’s not the same as having someone whom you know has an eye on you, is watching you the whole time.”
He further adds, “This is part of what a family is about, not just love, but letting others know there’s someone who is watching out for them. It’s what I missed so much when my mother died—what I call your ‘spiritual security’—knowing that your family will be there watching out for you. Nothing else will give you that. Not money. Not fame.”
Next about Children - I was the first person to hold my new born kid. I can’t express this joy in words. It was an ecstatic experience.
I can’t resist quoting what Morrie said about having children here:
“There is no experience like having children. That’s all. There is no substitute for it. You cannot do it with a friend. You cannot do it with a lover. If you want the experience of having complete responsibility for another human being, and to learn how to love and bond in the deepest way, then you should have children.”
There is yet another relationship that I consider very important. That’s – Mentor. Though mentor may not be a family member, I consider this relationship very important. You have to be very lucky to encounter a person in your life who will mentor you through. In olden days in India, young bachelors used to stay in Ashram and learn things under the guidance of yogis and rishis. The relationship between them was Guru and Shishya. But, we don’t have such a system now to shape-up and guide our life. Mentors are playing that role to a greater extent, if not fully.
I have come across one such person and hence I have included this relationship here. At times, it may be tough to accept what a mentor says because he challenges your status quo and tells you “what you have been thinking and acting all these years are wrong”. It is moment of truth, at times, for your life.
My mentor is Mr. NC Narayanan, fondly known as NC in the corporate world. He is my company’s MD. In my career path as consultant, he has taken the liberty to shape-up my life, personally guiding me wherever he felt it required. In fact, he was the one who initiated the habit of reading books (particularly self development books) to have a different perspective in life.
Summing-up, I would say that relationships transform your life. It is beautiful flower that you hold. Whether you make it through heartfelt affection or break it through momentary reaction, it will keep spraying its fragrance around enabling you to relish good memories from the past.
Until we meet in the next episode of this serial, sit back and recall the relations that are important to you. Regain lost relationships, relive existing relationships. But, relish them all. Because you are worth for them.
