Perspective about Life - Part 4
Fear of Aging
Everyone worries about aging. There is an internal fear about aging. Thirty year old envies 20 year old for what he or she is; fifty year old envies 30 year old for what he or she is and so on. This happens because we don’t live life to the fullest. At any given age, there is an incomplete feeling about the way we have lived our life so far and this is carried forward to the next stage. Thus, there is an unfinished agenda or unfulfilled dream at every stage of our life. Why is this so?
In fact, it is not all about aging but about the MIND. Age
is just a projection of MIND. Body is, definitely, aging but not YOU.
It’s like this, a person who doesn’t have even motor cycle envies the person having one, person having a two-wheeler envies the person having a car and so on. The same way, we don’t accept the aging process fully.
Whenever I hear someone say, “ I have completed my life” ,“
I am done I have no life left” , I always respond to them saying, “LIFE is
PRESENT in a 70 year old as much as in a 20 year old. Past and future is always
for the mind not for LIFE. You cannot live life from the MIND. The very saying
of “I am done” is itself a mind game. Time exists in the MIND not in LIFE.
Nowadays, there are some ads promising to slow the aging
process by 10 years and so on. This is absolute madness and exploitation. You
don’t need to stop aging. In fact, you can’t stop aging anyway. It’s a
wonderful process. In fact, nowadays the aging is faster inside the body. We grow
much older inside than on the outside. The youth of today is much more
miserable than the older generation.. If you battle against getting older, you
will always be unhappy, unsatisfied and frustrated.
Going back to Morie’s, Morrie lost his battle. Someone was
now wiping his behind. He faced this with typically brave acceptance. His
student asked Morrie how he managed to stay positive through that. “Mitch (his
student), it’s funny,” he said. “I’m an independent person, so my inclination
was to fight all of this—being helped from the car, having someone else dressing
me. I felt a little ashamed, because our culture tells us we should be ashamed
if we can’t wipe our own behind”
We always say I wish I were 15 or 20. Why we say that. Let’s
listen to Morrie again.
He says “You know what that reflects? Unsatisfied lives. Unfulfilled lives. Lives that haven’t found meaning. Because if you’ve found meaning in your life, you don’t want to go back. You want to go forward. You want to see more and do more. You can’t wait until sixty-five.
Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said, “He who has a WHY to live can bear almost ANYHOW.”
To quote an example from my life,
Mr.X(for want of privacy I don’t want to mention the name) is my friend. He had
a very good education and hence went abroad to make a living. He struggled to
establish his career right from day one. Gradually, he progressed in his
professional life but one fine day he decided to leave the country and come
back to settle down in a small town in India. When he left the job he was
earning almost 2 to 3 lacs per month (INR). He resigned!!! For WHAT?? Let me
unfold the events behind that decision.
His son is autistic (Autism is a disorder
of neural development characterized by impaired social interaction and communication,
and by restricted and repetitive behavior).
His family lived in India while he was abroad. His son needed the family
attention the most. As per the doctor’s advice, such a child needs 24x7 attention
from the family members especially from the parents.For that, he had to take him
to several therapy sessions daily.The son was so attached to his father that I can’t express in words. He resolved to see that his son at least take care of his essentials and not be dependent on others in the future. To be with his son, he quit his high profile job, and set up a small business in that small town. He now earned one tenth of what he was earning when he left that job. He said whatever his son cannot enjoy, he didn’t want that in his life. What else I can say about his life.
I need to quote what Friedrich said
once again, “He who has a WHY to live can bear almost ANYHOW.”
I also pray every day for the
betterment of his life (read as “his son’s life). Certainly, he will be most content
person when his son asks for food by
himself, asks for things which he has never expressed, asks for a joy ride,
asks for everything which he has missed in his early part of life. He will
never repent what he is doing now, because he has found meaning in life.
Unfortunately, no one can give
what are those “whys” and you need to discover on your own. Existentially, you need to understand and
cherish your journey called “LIFE”. Life is beautiful.
We can’t give the purpose of life
in theory. But to put it simply, we can
say LIFE is to LIVE. If we accept this as a definition then LIFE is just a flow
like the river flows. You can’t step in to the same river again. But, we live
in the PAST. That is the fundamental trouble. The PAST always gives you unfulfillment,
FUTURE gives you false hope but only PRESENT gives you the reality because you
will encounter the FUTURE in the PRESENT, only at some other point.
If we don’t bring our attention,
focus, everything NOW then we will be perennially dissatisfied with the LIFE. OUR
dissatisfaction itself is an indicator that we are being used by MIND.
We are fully capable to deal with
NOW and whatever age you may be. That is how the system is designed. We are not
capable to deal with the FUTURE. It is just a MIND game. When someone says I
will enjoy once I complete my graduation, once I complete my marriage, once I
become a father / mother etc., these are MIND games. MIND plays game on YOU.
Follow the following tips to
bring your attention to NOW.
Walking:
Whenever you walk please bring
you attention or focus on your walk. Enjoy your every step as if you are
walking first time.
Eating:
When you eat, focus your
attention to the food you eat completely. The smell, taste, temperature etc.,
Sitting:
Meditation:
One of the best methods to bring
your attention is MEDITATION. This is not about any religion. All that you need
is to sit (whatever may be the posture) and just watch what is going on inside.
Just watch your breathing (inhale and exhale). I don’t want to preempt anything
more than this. Then it will be mind which will feed your while you meditate.
It will be an expectation.
At first, Your mind will wander,
thinking about tomorrow’s program, interview, meeting with boss, meeting with
tough client or someone who insulted you some time back, your fight with your
wife / husband and so on. The mind will start supplying all the information to
keep itself alive. You may ask me what you will achieve by doing these
seemingly simple activities. Believe me, you will be surprised, amazed to know how
many times you slip into to the past and the future; forgetting entirely what
is happening now. That’s the start point of bringing your attention now.
If you can’t do these seemingly
simple activities with 100% attention / awareness, you can’t come out of the
things which has been going on and on in your mind for many years and live life
fully. To Summarize:
- Ask frequently what is going on in your MIND right now.
- Don’t analyze or feel guilty or change the flow of the mind. Just be aware.
- If you are in doubt, bring your attention to your body. Body gives you the true state of what is happening inside. Body reflects what is going on your mind. Your body cannot be in the Past or Future. It gives you the true picture of who you are at this moment. It is the doorway to your mind.
- Bring your attention to your daily activities like taking bath, walking, eating, spending time with kids etc.,
- Surrender to the Nature which is taking care all the time.
- Above all do meditate – watching the breath (inhale and exhale). It is a beautiful thing a human being can do.
